no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
