Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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