so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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