thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
