Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
