Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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