so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
