I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
