I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
