i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
