Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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