This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
