home. puking in laundry basket.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
