the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
