Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
