i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
