I take back everything I said about communal showers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
