i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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