well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize