I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
