its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
