she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
