...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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