I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
