You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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