My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
