# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm passing your future prison.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
