Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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