Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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