Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
