the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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