I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So vagazzling was a success
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
