I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
