My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
