Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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