grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
