she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
