I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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