She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
