Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
