it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
