Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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