I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
