Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
