she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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