I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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