i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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