i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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