shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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