I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
