OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
