How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
