Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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