He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
