I love black thongs
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
