wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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