Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
