am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So. Much. Porn.
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