8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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