How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
