I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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