So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
