Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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