i jhust puked up my retainher.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize