Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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