Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
