Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
