idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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