plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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