Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
