I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
