If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
