What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
