you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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