i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
