you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So squirting runs in the family.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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