how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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