handjob tips. give me some.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
