Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
