dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
