I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
